On love
I've heard it said that nothing will help you understand the love of the Heavenly Father for his children better than becoming a parent. Before I had kids, I had the idea that parenthood would induce in me that kind of love; a completely uninhibited, unconditional, unending love for my children. I thought this heavenly agape would well up inside me at the moment they were born and never run dry.
Instead, I find myself the possessor of an earthly, smallish, all-too-human heart. Childbirth did not magically transform it to something saintly.
My heart wants to dole out its love in little doses, and only when it suits my convenience.
When I've had a good meal and a good night's sleep and I'm in the mood to snuggle on the couch? Sure, kid, come on over for some quality mommy time.
I'd take a bullet for my children any day. But can I stand to give up an hour of reading, the last piece of chocolate, or an uninterrupted nap for them?
When my mind cries out that I just can't change one more diaper, wipe up one more mess, answer one more insistent tug on my sleeve--that it's all too boring, too mundane, just plain too much work for me--that's when loving my children rather than myself is a conscious act of the will.
When my kids whine and cry and squabble--in other words, act like kids--I want to yell and frown and fuss right back at them.
Instead of slate-wiped-clean forgiveness, I want to hold grudges. When a child has just thrown a tantrum and then she asks me to tell her a story, I want to yell, "No! You just made scene in the grocery store and embarrassed me! You don't deserve a story!"
(and when have I ever deserved the great love that's been shown to me?)
Yes, motherhood has taught me much about love, but in the opposite way that I imagined.
I still don't know what the Father's true love for his children must be like. Instead, the more parenting reveals my own heart to me, the more grateful I am that my Father's love is not like mine.
It is a better, deeper, purer love, and I still don't comprehend it.
If you'd like another contemplation on love to read heading into this Valentine's weekend, I highly recommend this post from 5 Minutes for Parenting.
Instead, I find myself the possessor of an earthly, smallish, all-too-human heart. Childbirth did not magically transform it to something saintly.
My heart wants to dole out its love in little doses, and only when it suits my convenience.
When I've had a good meal and a good night's sleep and I'm in the mood to snuggle on the couch? Sure, kid, come on over for some quality mommy time.
I'd take a bullet for my children any day. But can I stand to give up an hour of reading, the last piece of chocolate, or an uninterrupted nap for them?
When my mind cries out that I just can't change one more diaper, wipe up one more mess, answer one more insistent tug on my sleeve--that it's all too boring, too mundane, just plain too much work for me--that's when loving my children rather than myself is a conscious act of the will.
When my kids whine and cry and squabble--in other words, act like kids--I want to yell and frown and fuss right back at them.
Instead of slate-wiped-clean forgiveness, I want to hold grudges. When a child has just thrown a tantrum and then she asks me to tell her a story, I want to yell, "No! You just made scene in the grocery store and embarrassed me! You don't deserve a story!"
(and when have I ever deserved the great love that's been shown to me?)
Yes, motherhood has taught me much about love, but in the opposite way that I imagined.
I still don't know what the Father's true love for his children must be like. Instead, the more parenting reveals my own heart to me, the more grateful I am that my Father's love is not like mine.
It is a better, deeper, purer love, and I still don't comprehend it.
If you'd like another contemplation on love to read heading into this Valentine's weekend, I highly recommend this post from 5 Minutes for Parenting.
6 comments:
Holy conviction! I needed this today! Its been such a grouchy kid day, I need an attitude adjustment! Thank you!
Wow. That is so true. Thank you.
Even though I'm obviously not a mother, i really enjoyed reading this.
That was wonderful, and again, just how I feel. Funny thing is I just gave my 2 y/o son the last piece of chocolate and read him a story 8 times yesterday :) (it was so he's nap. It didn't work). Thanks!
Oh, Jen! I totally understand!! I get tired of being needed ALL THE TIME. I think for me the "understanding of God's love when you become a parent" has come in the realization that love is NOT easy, that perfect love REALLY is something amazing that I will never be able to attain to, and yet God loves me with that kind of love! I am probably more loving than I was before I became a mom, but am SOOOO far from the kind of love He has for me. (By the way, Seth told me last night that he thinks he loves his dad more than Jesus loves us. Is that sweet or what?? not quite true, but very cute. :))
Well said, Jen.
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